wei-chen瑋溱, Taiwan, Province of China
【永遠都有選擇】
我是高瑋溱，我是一位體能教練，同時也是一位卵巢癌三期的癌症患者。從2020診斷出癌症後，已經完成減積手術、8回合的化療以及36次標靶，目前疾病控制良好，今年我將繼續與身體合作，完成預防性的手術。
「永遠都有選擇」這句話出自陳永儀博士，是我罹癌時讀到，直到現在仍非常受用的一句話。
我喜歡這個充滿挑戰、責任與智慧考驗的概念。手術後開始化學治療，似乎理所當然，說不上厭惡，但心中很多彆扭；好像生病以後我的身體不再是我的身體，很多「不可以」或是「必須」，最後就是一邊打化療，卻又咒罵化療。這種弔詭的情緒，開啟很多自我反思。當我意識到其實自己還是有主控權、且有很多選項時，反而可以真正說出「我想接受化療」。
病後很大的感觸是，疾病或是意外難以預測，但我可以選擇，當困難來臨時，要怎麼面對這些事情。不論是積極接受治療，或是簽署預立醫療決定，都是我可以做、也是只有我能做的決定；提醒自己擁有選擇的權利，並不是要變得更勇敢或是逼自己要正向，而是期望可以更坦然且負責的面對自己選擇的結果。(IG:jennykao607 /FB:jennykao)
《There is always a choice》
I am Jenny Kao, a certified personal trainer and also a stage III ovarian cancer patient. Since being diagnosed in 2020, I have undergone debulking surgery, 8 rounds of chemotherapy, and 36 sessions of targeted therapy. Currently, my condition is well-controlled. This year, I will undergo prophylactic mastectomy and pray that everything goes well.
“There is always a choice”this quote is from a psychology professor I deeply admire. I read it when I was diagnosed with cancer, and it remains a phrase that resonates with me to this day.
I like this concept that is filled with challenges, responsibilities, and tests of wisdom. After surgery, when chemotherapy started, it seemed like a given. It wasn’t exactly hatred, but I felt a lot of awkwardness. It felt as though my body was no longer mine after falling ill. There were so many “can’ts” and “musts,” and eventually, I found myself lying in bed receiving chemotherapy, complaining the process. This paradoxical feeling prompted much self-reflection. But when I realized that I still had control and many options, I was finally able to genuinely say, “I want to undergo chemotherapy.”
A profound realization after my illness is that diseases or accidents are unpredictable, but I can choose how to face these challenges when they arise. Whether it is actively accepting treatment or signing a advance decision or DNR , these are decisions I can make—and only I can make. Reminding myself of my right to choose doesn’t mean becoming braver or forcing myself to be positive. Rather, it’s about hoping to face the outcomes of my choices with more calmness and responsibility. (IG:jennykao607 /FB:jennykao)